26 Ways Clueless Would Be Different if Set in Modern Day
1.) Cher would drive a white Prius instead of a white Jeep.
It would be something to “learn on” duh! Not to mention it totally counts as her doing something “good for humanity” or whatever.
2.) That computer program she uses to pick out her outfits on would totally be an app.
And not the free kind…
3.) Instead of being grunge, Josh would be a hipster.
And instead of trying to grow a goatee he would be working on one of those ironic mustaches that requires wax.
4.) And Josh’s Tree People would be getting someone like Angelina Jolie to plant a tree instead of Marky Mark.
Actually kidding. It would probably still be Marky Mark, but they would call him by his proper name “Mark Wahlberg” or “that guy Entourage is based off of.”
5.) Cher’s dress she gets mugged in would be a Herve Leger instead of an Alaia.
6.) Rather than having a pager and a cellphone. Cher would have an iPhone, an iPad and a Mac Book Air. And they would all be pink. Duh.
7.) After Cher gets held at gun point — she wouldn’t be able to call Dee because she doesn’t have her number memorized! Obvs Dee is saved as one of Cher’s favorites, which is in her iPhone that JUST got stollen. Duh.
8.) Instead of wanting to watch Bevis & Butthead when Josh wants to watch the news, Cher would want to watch the Jersey Shore.
Cher would also be plotting makeovers for all the cast members.
9.) The italian roast coffee she brings Mr. Hall to share with Ms. Geist would be fair trade artisan.
You know the kind that costs $20 for a lb for some reason.
10.) Instead of hanging out at the mall, Cher and Dee would be addicted to online shopping.
11.) Cher would still have a problem with the way boys dress these days.
Mainly Hipsters. But the line would now be:
”So, okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some skinny jeans and take their greasy hair, ew, and cover it up with a fedora and, like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so!”
12.) Instead of leaving his cranberries CD in the Quad. Elton would be pissed he left his iPod touch with the new Drake on it.
Elton totally would be one of those people who still had a blackberry instead of an iPhone. Because BBM is for creepers.
13.) Cher would’ve gotten in trouble for texting during her driving exam. She’d still fail.
Which is why that biker came out of nowhere!
14.) That famous quote Cher uses in her love letter from Mr. Hall to Ms. Geist would’ve been from Wikipedia instead of Cliff’s Notes.
15.) Tai and Travis would’ve met online instead of on line at the cafeteria.
16.) Travis would have totally been to Coachella
and instead of comparing the Rolling Stones to Nine Inch Nails the line would now be:
“The way I feel about Woodstock is the way my kids are going to feel about Coachella, so I really shouldn’t torment my Mom anymore, huh?”
17.) Cher would have 4000 followers on Twitter for some reason. Mainly because of the sick selfies she posts of her daily outfits.
18.) Hashtag would be the new “whatever” and there would be a hand symbol for it like this:
Hashtag over it! I’m Audi.
19.) They would have used their car’s GPS to get to that party in the valley.
But since it’s in the valley they’d still get lost because the GPS would be “recalculating.”
20.) Their mall would be the one in Century City
21.) Instead of being on the Special K diet, Cher would be on Paleo and or a juice cleanse. Because let’s be serious. Who eats carbs these days?
“I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of special K, three pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, five peanut butter M&M’s, and like, three pieces of licorice.”
This line would not exist.
22.) Instead of working out to Buns of Steel on VHS Cher and Tai would be doing a type of card bar class on DVD.
23.) Under interests on Facebook, Elton would have “bottles and models.”
24.) The party they go to where the Mighty Mighty Bosstones are playing would have Dubstep instead.
And Christian wouldn’t want to leave because he’s rolling.
25.) Rather than wondering if he could pull off a leather jacket Christian would wonder if he could rock white skinny jeans.
26.) Tai and Elton would bond over Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” instead of “Rolling with the Homies”